


ushionion: story of lay(ov)ers

by oikawamemesquad



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Other, farmer ushijma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2015-02-27
Packaged: 2018-03-15 12:33:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3447341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oikawamemesquad/pseuds/oikawamemesquad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ushi was jst a farmer boy,,,, , or so onion chan thought ,,, ,</p>
            </blockquote>





	ushionion: story of lay(ov)ers

**Author's Note:**

> regret  
> rɪˈɡrɛt/  
> verb  
> 1.  
> feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that one has done or failed to do).

it was a sunny day in volleyball town. ushiji ma was jst aboy ,,, a boy tht waz a farmer,, jst a frmer.,,,,a simple farmer living on his farm. he tended to his crops that were memes. memes disguised as vegetables but only ushijima knew that. he knew tha t the tomatoes wer e all called jan. jan tomatoes. fuck this. it was really sunny but ushi didn’t have sunglasses bc he was only a poor farmer. but ushi would rock ray bans dont lie.  
ushi went over to an onion and picked up the oinion and held it v close to his face. v close. the skin was crackly and flaky but inside it was sof t(so many lAyErs,) soft like a heart and ushi blushed bc. he lov onions so much. so much.he kiss 0nion-kun. he say ‘oh, onion. i wish i was as layerEd as you but unfortunatly i am 0nly antagonist with no character depth. onion, my onion’ he closed his eyes. he would cry. not bc of onion but bc of his love for the onion.the onion could not spek. bc onions do not speak. vegetables don speak what the fck r uon. ushi knelt in the middle of the field and looked to the sky. he cry ‘heavens curse me! our love can never be. but i am lucky. i am lucky to have met an onion like u kawai i onion-chan'  
"Make me delicious Ushijima-kun, it is my last wish A single tear falls down its face  
but alas. their love could never be bec au se ushijimmy was a simple farmer tending to his meme crops. onion-chan was an onion of the highest class. elite onion, with a pretty red blush at its stem  
it could never be.

‘I WANT TO BE W U 6EVER,’ USHIJ YELLED LOUDLY and cried. ‘HOW CAN I BE W U FORVER UR AN ONION AND YOU’LL Jst shrivel…..,,,,, onion-chan was just an onion....,,' but an onion who could LOVE and onion-chan loved ushi because he looked at his avocado-green-brown (ushi’s hair is like green? tf) and was lurve.  
uhsji had to think v hard to himself. use that br ain of musc le (bc brain is a muscle right tobio haha what a fuckin nerd) of his and think think think. how could they perpetuate their love. how. the sun was hot against his back and those fucking CONCRETE SHOULDERS GD BONE ME USHIJIMA and his broad, calloused hand caressed the onion w much tenderness. he squinted against the sun.

‘onion-chan,’ ushijima whispered, ‘i want to be with u for eterninfinity. like eternity and infinity. but together.’  
the onion didn’t say anything.

YO SHINJI IKARI HE WAS JUST FOURTEEN WHEN HIS PARENTS BUILT A VERY STRANGE MACHINE  
ushiji never thoguht he could make a life w pinion chan. onions shrivel and rot. but for a few days. a few days maybe maybe they could be happy. ushijima was willing to try.  
what had sprouted (gettit bc onion haha) their love? ushijim had gone into his field filled wi memes, and he had seen the onion so perfect and round and glistening in the sunlight. onion-chan was watching him, so perfect and shapely, w curves in all the right places. so ripe. mmmm juicy onion. but shij (shinji ikari) wasn’t interested in appearances. he only cared about what was on the inside underneath the layers. the onion’s heart. that was all that mattered. all that mattered to ushijiwaka.

(a/n:why did i bring up this idea? what possessed me to? im a good person, i am a pretty decently okay person, what have i done, i have unleashed hell unto the masses, sin in my name, carved into my wrists, i have danced around the flames of hell)

he looked down at the onion-chan, so perfect, so lovely. ‘i will keep u safe little onion,’ ushi whispered (this isn’t funny anymore this is just sad i am sad i am the embodiment of pepe the from right now). the sun was setting. they watched the sunset togehter, the onion tucked safely under ushiji’s big bara arm w the big volleyball muscles bc ushij is big mmmmmmmmmm yeah u know it (this is not an inadvertent fanfic abt my crush on waka absolutely not). onion-chan felt so safe, so warm in its union layers. so warm and snug. onion-chan looked up at ushijibara’s eyes and the golden glow of his skin in the sunset. i love him, onion-chan thought (bc suddenly onions have thoughts idk blame aya ve's distracting me). i want to spend hte rest of my life with him.

thru the darkness all onion-chan could feel were ushijimawaka’s big glorious yaoi hands. from the big yaoi man. mmmm spicy. things got steamy. ushijima heard onion-chans wan gasps and long, drawn-out moans. ‘ushijima,’ onion-chan whined. mmm. delicious usji. onion wanted that schlong dongadoodle (can you believe i can spell that by heart now). i could write a 2-page essay about ushijima’s dick. ushijima grunted like a dorito-faced seme yaoi man. ‘nng,’ onion-chan, the teary trembling uke said in a broken voice lustily , ‘ah, dorito faced bad touch sempai san chan kun i need ur heat-seeking moisture missile. i need it in all my layers. ur yoghurt slinger.’  
‘ofc my little volleyball I MEAN onion (both round so musclehead ushijima got confused). i will give u all my moISTURE. I WILL FERTALISE U. POLLINA TION COMPLET O.’ oh shit. onion was pollinated.  
the next morning ushi was sitting at the table havin brekfast. onion-chan came out dressed very sexy mmm in one of suhijima’s shirts. perf curves. mmm. but there were tears in onon-chn’s eyes (??).  
‘precious onion-chan what is wrong,’ sji asked bc he is a concenred bara. ‘did i hurt you w my extremely oversised love whistle?’  
ALL WAS WELL AND PEACEFUL INT HE ONION-USHIJIMA HOUSEHOLD. ushiji tended to his crops as he always did. they were great. really great.  
BUT ALAS. TRAGEDY STRUCK. Just as ushijima had predicted, onion-chan began to shrivel. nobody likes a shrivelly uke. except maybe bad-touch-sempai-dorito-samas but. little sprouts began to grow and onion-chan screamed in pain as they broke the skin. ouch. ushijima yell ‘WHAT IS WRONG UKE-ONION-KUN’ and goes inside to find onion-chan on the floor.  
‘ushiji-seme-kun’ on on- chan whispers. ‘i luve d u so much. so muc h. infinityever. i will love u till the stars explode and hte moo n drops from t he sky. i love u.’  
‘no,’ bara ma- i mean ushiwaka cried. there were tears in his eyes. his fingers brushed over skin tha t was too soft. onion-chan was rotting. liek a vegetabalte. ‘pls don’t leav e me uke-onon-chan. i want to b with u alw ays.’  
‘ik,’ onion said weakly, touchin g a sporiut tenderly to husbando’s cheek. he lfetl tears. ‘ikr. but it could never be. for i am onion and u r human.’  
‘what must i do’  
‘u know what u must do, my love’  
shuijima got to his feet holding onion-chan to his BIG BARA CHEST. he knew what he had to do.  
DEESTROY HIM.  
“ONION CHAN GET SHREKT” sushi exclaimed suddnlu  
*waluigi voice* ”wah” said onion  
ushijimmy laffed  
“this was all a plan to eat ur delociuos layerz”  
ushi grabbed onion chan  
“noooooo” sed onion chan  
ushi took a bite (a/n:yikessss) and started cryin (so salty)  
oinon chan waz 2 spizzy even sushis bara body cudnt tak it  
“h-how dar u mak me cry onion u drty bastrad” ushijimjims sed  
“i-im big bara yaoi man, big bara yaoi man don crys”ushijimbob exclmmed  
“haha” onion chan smirked  
those wer onions last words

\--mmmmmm watcha sayyyyyy ayyyyyy--  
Onion chan ded

 

BUT ONION MAKE BIG B(ee)ARA MAN CRY SO HE WAZ DA REAL WINNER

the end

**Author's Note:**

> if i had known, two years ago, this was what my writing would come to, how i would spend my life, would i still have taken that honors english course? would i have looked into my professor’s eyes and said, i felt proud of my efforts? would i be here now? what have i done my ten year old self, i am sorry, for my sins, for what your future looks like. its full of shrek, pepe the frog, dark times ahead, you will live in regret, forever, probably, this is all my doing and there is not enough in the world i can do to make u p for this


End file.
